Something I dug up in one of my computer drives, from 2013!~?

Casually reading a review of Robert Galbraith’s “The Cuckoo’s Calling” (JK Rowling) in the August 24, 2013 edition of the Chicago Tribune, by Julia Keller, she waxed on how impressive and well written the book is.  My eyes stopped at her phrase ‘hangers-on’ which is the plural of more than one on-hanger.  Yes, I know,… Read More »

Currently near the center of my living room: my ironing board.

On top of it: -four letters (bills, statements, ads) -two bottles of newly purchased cologne (Armani, and No. 4711 – echt Koelnisch Wasser) -cell phone -reading glasses -coffee cup with “Audi’ name & logo -empty glass (but made in France) -car keys (to a red VW Jetta) -a bag of soap bars (Heno from Spain… Read More »

Reasons I’m not a stand up comedian

RIGHT after graduating college, I went to Chicago, in order to leave Michigan as quickly as possible, and the nearest big city with a chance for wine, women and song was shytown. Lived there with various people including Jerry McNally who actually did want to become a stand up comic, and he was a funny… Read More »

BR #3

I was thinking of breakfast, what to make, and besides eggs, what is there. Sure, waffles, and pancakes, bacon, toast, peanut butter, and oatmeal, maybe fish. Lobster! So I see the potatoes, and we’re off. Sliced thin, almost like potato chips, but not that goddamned thin. I’m using the all purpose ginsu thingie sharp looking… Read More »

The Billionaire App

[patent pending!] Billionaire App: Cost is $0.99 per year for this app plus a 3.5-4.5% fee for cost savings based on me talking you out of spending money, and giving the amount a millionaire or billionaire would have spent on his/her purchase into a savings account or a non-profit. So, when said Money Bags is… Read More »

War against pillows

While most sane people agree with me that socks are an unnecessary impingement on our sensibilities and freedoms, a recent post in www.thewirecutter.com fried my waffles deeply.  There are people on earth who rate pillows from good to great, from poor to superlative, from fluffy to lumpy.  I thank Darwin every goddamn day that I… Read More »

Why, Coffeetables?

We do not need coffeetables. It’s the same lie told to us years ago, that we need to wait one hour after eating before we go swimming because we’d seize up and die like a toy with a dead battery, or that we need to eat three times a day, or that there’s some being… Read More »

New apartment

I wuz torn between three apartments to rent, and finally settled on a gorgeous oceanfront condo in the 50s on Collins in Miami Beach, called “OMG Cheese, I Luv It, LOL.”  A very large pool, tennis courts, and illegal immigrant shooting range. Around the bend from the Fontainebleau Hilton, the 40-story pyramid-shaped “I Can’t, I’m… Read More »

A French Vacation?

L’Alpe d’Huez – I would love to spectate the TdF, but only by motorcycle and a comfy tent followed by avocado-carrying minions. Maybe once my ‘Victim of Circumstance: On Starting Bar Fights’ is written and published? Or maybe once the first check is cashed after my action t.v. series “Flower Arranger: Life on the Line”… Read More »

Daylight Savings Insults

        [chat as gentle as a Sunday morning beer and cold pizza]   Russ:         Good morning, fellas.  This is why I love my wife. Drake:    Good morning, mf’ers.  Steak ‘n’ eggs and daylights savings time. Pupusa:     WMP:  white man problem – I’m part Indian, and unlike white man, I tell time by… Read More »